Author: Evalotta Stiernholm

See your greatness

You need to know and understand your greatness. Get to know yourself and your task; to live your greatness is your task. It’s not about you not having the need to be great or you not wanting to think you’re special.It’s about the whole, the group, the community. Everyone’s task is to know and live their greatness. That’s generosity. That’s contribution. That is NOT to be superficial. That is to take responsibility. You must know who you are, who you really are.Be the greatness that you are so that balance can be created and things can be as they were ment to be. This is what the horses told me an early morning in the pasture. You need to know who you really are. To really know who you are. Love, Evalotta.

Transformative acceptance

It’s a beautiful paradox that when I give up on the idea of changing/fixing/improving/healing myself and become anyone else than the person I am right now, something shifts. When I fully allow what’s alive in me to show itself, a change happens. When I allow what is true in the moment to just be the way it is, it automatically develops into something else. When I allow myself to be as I am in the moment, I’m free. I’m safe. I’m connected. Love, Evalotta.

On courageous vulnerability

Once upon a time, vulnerability was shameful to me. It was a flaw. I thought I needed to be strong and in control; that vulnerability was an unwanted state, something that should’ve passed over a long time ago. Insecurity was shameful and since I wanted to be worthy of love and connection, I couldn’t afford being flawed like that. Then I did this work with self compassion and learned to embrace the shame; to meet it and love myself whatever I felt. To be there for me wholeheartedly. Now courageous vulnerability has become my safe haven, my gateway to liberation, inner peace, freedom, connection, contact, joy, self worth, creativity, genuineness and space. It gives me integrity and strength. I’ve made a very conscious decision to allow myself to be a work in progress, to be proud of myself for doing the work, wherever I am on my journey, whatever my difficulties are. I’ve decided that I’m allowed to be brilliant and confused, secure and insecure, very wise and in the fog, free in the moment …

On passion

I love you with a sweet tenderness,with a strong passion,in a calm and strong way,jealously,trustfully. I want you to want me,to look for me,long for me,search for me. I’m so close,just a breath away. All your longing is for me,it’s me that you want. You’re meeting me in every person that sees your soulyou become attached to themyou get disappointed if you think they are the one you long forbecause they are not me. You long for this love because it’s calling you from inside.I love you so. Passionately,Your eternal self, dwelling in the unconditional love,attracting you home.

On longing

Yesterday a deep, intense longing came over me.I know this longing, it has been with me for decades.I easily project my longing on a specific person, believing that it is this person I long for and yearn to be close to.I also know that this is a pitfall.The other person is not the answer to my longing.The closeness of the other person soothes me, but the longing comes from the void. It is a calling from beyond the void; a calling to come home, a longing to belong, to connect to the inner source of love that’s always there. Waiting for me, trying to reach my attention, makes me long for deep love.The source long for me and makes me long for the source. Sometimes this love flows between human hearts and this can create confusion. It can make us search for it in each other, where we last found it, just to notice that it isn’t there to be found. Yesterday I lay down and met my longing, followed it to it’s source and …

To courageously practice vulnerability

If you’ve been training to avoid vulnerability for decades, … it will take a conscious effort to embrace it.… it may take a focused effort to embrace it.… it takes conscious un-training to embrace it.… it will likely require un-training to embrace it. To be seen, you need to show yourself. Doing so, it’s of the utmost importance not to judge anything you find in the vulnerable state. You need to practice self respect and love for what you see. Vulnerability without self criticism gives you integrity, strength, self respect and warmth. It opens up for genuine contact. It’s highly attractive! It’s like coming home. Love,Evalotta.

On shame 2 – Avoid shame or look it in the eyes

It takes a lot of energy to avoid shame.Trying to avoid shame doesn’t lead you to where you want to be in life.Instead of heading for the things you want to do, your focus is drawn to what you want to avoid (don’t want to be seen as; don’t want to feel…).Trying to avoid being seen as selfish, lazy, dumb, unintelligent, bad, self absorbed, unbalanced, weird, bossy, shy, worthless etc, is a common driving force in many people’s lives. It makes us self judgmental, withdrawn, externalized (acting out) and other things that doesn’t promote connection. Instead I can look shame in the eyes and ask it to show itself.”So what if I am all the things you say I am and that I use to try not to be; what if? Would that make me unworthy of love and connection?”Here I can choose if I want to expand my self image to humbly include everything that might be true about a human being. Doing so is very deliberating. It doesn’t mean that I am selfish …

The bliss of getting lost

I’am dwelling in a deep peace, the peace beyond getting lost. I’ve spent so many years trying to heal my wounds. It’s been helpful, but trying to do this in order to make the wounds disappear was impassable. The only way through is to embrace them. At some level I’ve been whole all the time. At another level I’m wounded and so, I can be a wounded healer. Knowing the pain, being fully human. Sometimes my old wounds get triggered and I get lost in the fog. That’s painful but human, so very human. I’ve decided to provide a life for myself where it’s ok to get lost; a life where I never need to feel shame for any reaction, emotion or need. I always have my own back and whatever happens, I never abandon myself. So, admitting the wounds and allowing myself to vulnerably expose my dysfunctional reactions without acting on them, sets me free. I may loose track of my way, of what I know is true, but just for a while. I …

On self criticism

I believe we do everything we do in order to meet a need; even being self critical.What need is behind the criticism?When and why do we start to blame ourselves? When we feel insecure? To avoid the pain of shame?I think we blame ourself as a way to protect our sensitive hearts and souls from feeling unloved, insecure, unseen, unwanted, rejected, alone, disconnected etc. If so, the needs are love, safety, to be seen, to be wanted, to be welcome and to get community and connection etc. It’s helpful to identify the need behind our self critical behavior, because the self criticism doesn’t meet the need. As adults, what helps us is no longer to try to avoid the pain, it’s to understand the need and how to get it met. This is scary and difficult for most adults, but it’s a practice. You need to courageously vulnerably accept and show your needs for them to be met. And you need to get your needs met, otherwise you’ll feel miserable. When we judge ourselves, we …