I’ve noticed that giving is easier than receiving for me, and also for a lot of other people.
I feel inspired to start valuing giving and receiving equal.
I can see why receiving is harder: it’s vulnerable trust myself being worthy of receiving.
To trust being worthy of the other person’s attention, kindness, care and love, is vulnerable.
To trust being worthy of it, not because I was first giving a lot – that would be an exchange of love, attention and concern and that’s just fine – but because the other person wants to contribute in my life. To trust this without an underlying, half conscious feeling of guild or fear of disconnection…
I want to trust the other person’s willingness to be there with me. I want to receive without being prepared for losing the contact or feeling unworthy of that abundant kindness. This will be my practice and it’s all about vulnerable trust.
I love giving and when I do, I do it out of a willingness to contribute. Out of love. But maybe there’s also a string of something more. A fear of doing wrong if I don’t. A fear of disconnection. A fear of not being worthy of love and connection from the other person if I’m not giving. Giving comes naturally for me. I love giving. I just want to examine if there’s something in my giving that I hope to be a protection from being unworthy of receiving. I don’t know if this is the case sometimes, I just wonder.
In some way, giving might be a strategy to secure the need of connection, value and love.
Do the other person feel this? Do I feel this in the other person?
How can we both find a deeper trust in the receiving trustfully and giving without and other expectation than the joy of contributing?
To practice to receive is about trust; trust in our own value and worthiness of love and connection. I practice by being aware of this. I feel the tension in my body and I try to consciously relax and just enjoy the other person’s company.
The other might enjoy giving to me. I’ll trust the process, aware of my need for connection and embracing it.
What’s it like for you?